Fragile
A few days ago I had a chat with a good friend. About her, about me, about the people we care about. I don’t when we became so honest with each other, but I’m glad we did. Because there’s that one sentence she said that opened my eyes wide open:
You’re fragile.
I now realize how fragile I am, and how I’ve been covering it up with fake smiles and false sincerities. I’ve been doing this and that and expecting people to understand how I feel, but even I didn’t understand how I really felt. I wasn’t totally honest with myself. And I was definitely not being honest with the person I care about most. I’ve been too scared to veer off the sidewalk and face whatever it is I must face. I was scared that I would get hurt. I was hiding.
Well, life is full of those little surprises that sometimes just stabs you right in your heart. We have to live with that, or we don’t live at all.
And what about her? Well, she is honest with herself and with the world. And she still has her chin up, boldly facing the world that is far from what she wants it to be.
Thank you, my friend, for making me realize what I truly feel.
In The Shadow of an Eclipse
he chose to stay in the shadow of an eclipse…
when he needed a reason to not see the sun
for he was blinded by its light,
that he couldn’t see any other light coming through
he chose to stay in the shadow of an eclipse…
when he knew he had a reason to walk away
for he needed the sun’s light and warmth
and the more he felt it the more he needed it
he chose to stay in the shadow of an eclipse…
when he needed to preserve himself
for there is something he saw in the sun
it might kill him, but he wanted it to be true
and the sun will always shine brilliantly…
brighter than ever…
but he needed to not see the sun…
Wishlist Upgraded
Here’s my new wishlist, an upgrade of my previous wishlist:
- Get a house of my own in my hometown Yogyakarta, Indonesia, preferably in the northeast part of the city, in the suburbs.
- Go on a backpacking trip to Europe, preferably with my better half.
- Learn photography; and while I’m at it, get a DSLR camera, maybe a Canon EOS D40. [review]
- Get a 13″ Apple MacBook Unibody.
- Have a foster kid(s) or be able to fund schooling for underprivileged kids.
- Get a health and life insurance policy and build a detailed pension plan.
Morning Call
Hey…
Thanks for calling.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for letting me be a part of your life.
Reminds me of a song from d’Cinnamons…
ring ring its you again
heart popz!
i loved to hear you
it’s been all day i’ve been waiting for you
hello…you call my name
so much story you shared with me
you said a lot to me about
girls (boys)…oh it’s so nice
and every beauty thing they did to you
don’t stop & tell me more…
loving you it hurts sometimes
i’m standin’ here you just don’t buy
i’m always there you just don’t feel
or you just don’t wanna feel
don’t wanna be hurt that way
it doesn’t mean i’m givin up
i wanna give you more & more & more
So… don’t stop…
Tell me more about you, about him
Call me whenever you want to talk
And don’t ask how I feel about you, because it’ll just ruin everything…
No Need To Apologize
Hey…
No need to apologize, it’s not your fault anyway. I want you, but you want him and he wants you back. I guess I’m benched… for now…
I should’ve told you straight away the moment I felt it. That way I could be sure that I’m not missing anything.
Honestly, now I feel like I want to disappear before I start to hurt you.
I want you for myself. I want you so bad already, and the more time I spend close to you makes me want you more.
I’m addicted.
DISCLAIMER: This post is a spontaneous burst of pure emotion. Please do not expect to understand this post unless you know me better than most of my inner circle.
Sparks?
Hey…
How’s your evening?
You’re trying so hard to understand him, and I’m trying even harder to understand you…
And right now I feel like I don’t have the guts to tell you anything…
What the hell is wrong with me?!
But… do I really need to tell you anything?
Don’t you get it already?
I feel like I want to beat myself up!
There’s so much about you that I don’t know… so much more that I want to understand…
Why can’t I just tell you that I care?
Why can’t I just let it loose and let you know how crazy I am about you?!
Why?
I want to embrace you!
I want to laugh with you!
I want to cry with you!
I want you!
But then… saying is all that I can do, isn’t it?!
I could buy you whatever books you want…
I could take you anywhere you want to go, whenever you want…
I could work my ass off to get you all your worldly needs…
But… what good is all that for you?
Could I really spark a light inside your heart?
Well then… I feel so useless…
And now I put up a half-fake smile and make you think I’m okay…
I HATE IT!!!
But at least now I know it’s real, because it’s starting to hurt…
